Three is the new two. Big families are once again “in”.
So says half the major metropolitan daily papers but when you live in New York and more specifically Manhattan the spotlight is on you just a bit more when a new “trend” is announced.
Manhattan residents confirm trends. Manhattan (the borough itself) is also home to many extremes so it isn’t always the best place to look for confirmation since everything exists here (parents who only want one child, parents who swear that two is better than one, etc.)
Since I happened to walk right into this latest trend and people are always in shock over the general idea of raising children in Manhattan (no matter how many), I’ve been asked quite a few questions.
Every time my ever expanding stomach was spotted by a curious stranger, a multitude of prying concerned questions ensued. One belly bump plus seeing me hold the hand of my preschool daughter or my toddler son almost always equaled rapid fire questions about my living and moving plans — except I hadn’t made any announcements to anyone about moving. And then instantly I became the spokesperson for families with more than two children.
Their Q&A doesn’t bother me, it just makes me wonder how I can get some of that free time they all seem to have -
What are you going to do now you are going to have three children?
My response: What do you mean?
[Ignoring the fact I knew full well that person was trying to make it seem like having three children would cause me to be found at the top of the Empire State Building during rush hour about to jump.]
What I should have said: The same thing I would do as a mom of two children. Feed them, bathe them, read stories to them, try to get them to eat their dinner, help them pick out bedtime books and pajamas and tickle them unexpectedly when they are quietly watching television.
No, but I mean where will you live? Are you going to move to Jersey?
My response: Oh, my apartment has enough space. I don’t plan on moving into a new one or moving to another state…. New Jersey or Florida.
What I should have said: You mean I can’t live with my three children in a 250 square foot studio apartment in Alphabet City? It worked for the Old Lady who lived in a shoe. And since when has Jersey become the answer to everything? Have a child, move to Jersey. Lose your job, Jersey is hiring. Poor Jersey has become the first choice for the “unacceptable” Manhattan residents huh.
It must be nice to be a millionaire, that’s the only way you can raise kids in Manhattan.
My response: It’s probably nice to be a millionaire in Milwaukee too. Seriously though, you don’t need to be a millionaire in order to comfortably raise one or more happy children in Manhattan.
What I should have said: Raising kids in any of the boroughs isn’t exactly inexpensive. Same goes for the ‘burbs. Have you seen the real estate section lately? There are some parts of the Bronx with $7 million homes, you know.
But your children don’t have a backyard or a park to play in!
My response: We have a small backyard. And live less than a minute from one of the largest parks in Manhattan.
What I should have said: But they do. They have both. And they also have libraries too, you know, in case things besides play time matter.
Are you going to go back to work?
My response: Of course I am. I’m not even taking a maternity leave.
What I should have said: Would you ask their father if he was planning on going back to work?
Three in diapers!? You are going to have three in diapers. I can’t imagine having three in diapers!
My response: No, just two for right now. My daughter is potty trained and my son will be potty trained soon. So in a little while it will only be one.
What I should have said: So don’t have three children who happen to need diapers at the same time. Why do you worry about these things when you aren’t the one changing the poop. Don’t be concerned for me. Some women are expecting twins and triplets. They are the ones with real diaper duty.
How are you going to pay for college?
My response: Loans, grants, savings. Same thing I did unless they get a scholarship or financial aid that covers it all.
What I should have said: How quickly you forget. Remember, I’m a millionaire. They have money for college and for the year off before freshman year in order to backpack in Switzerland waiting for them.
You aren’t going to be able to give them enough attention. One of them will suffer.
My response: My mother had 6 siblings. They all had attention. No one suffered. And they all managed to become law abiding citizens.
What I should have said: S#!T. I didn’t realize that. But then again, if I wasn’t dealing with your meddling questions, I’d be giving them attention right now!
