Sure I went apple picking as a child. Every city dweller has made that trek at least once with their parents if not on a class trip.

I had the best laid plans when I decided to take my children apple picking in Upstate New York yesterday.

DREAM: We’d be in the car a little after eight, at Maskers Orchard by ten at the absolute latest feasting on apples.

REALITY: Leaving the city an hour and a half behind schedule wasn’t really a problem. Hey, it happens.

DREAM: The weather would be perfect.

REALITY: There was mud everywhere. Luke loved it. His little toy truck had plenty of fun areas to roll through.

DREAM: My kids would be in layers – pants and comfortable sneakers.

REALITY: Their kids were appropriately dressed. Their mother on the other hand wore jeans bought in the year 2000. (The shade of blue was pretty horrifying.)

DREAM: Natalie would say she was “so excited to go apple picking” about a thousand times while Luke would be busy listing who to bring apples to afterwards.

REALITY: Natalie would say she was “so excited to go apple picking” about a thousand times while Luke would be busy listing who to bring apples to afterwards.

DREAM: A nice scenic drive through the sticks
country upstate wooded area would be appreciated for what it was – a change of scenery.

REALITY: Signs posted on gun shops windows declaring “Sportsmen for McCain/Palin” would be viewed for a good six miles.

DREAM: I’d take photos of our adventures in the apple orchard and show family, friends, post some to my blog.

REALITY: 92% of the photos taken with my digital camera wouldn’t come out. At all.

DREAM: We’d pick “only two bags of apples” and since there would be too many for just us – give them to everyone we knew.

REALITY: We’d be lucky to fill a bag completely full of apples after realizing one in twenty apples would not be pecked by birds.

DREAM: After picking apples for a bit, we’d stop and have a picnic among the Macintosh apples.

REALITY: Our stomachs would order us to stop picking apples, get out of the orchard and go eat in civilization.

DREAM: A stop at the Country Store before leaving Maskers would garner apple goodies for us to take back with us.

REALITY: I’d look like a damn yuppie from Baby Boom buying up all of Diane Keaton’s apple sauce like we have none back in Manhattan.

DREAM: We’d have fun together outside the city.

REALITY: We’d have fun together outside the city.

Photo taken sitting in the mud in the Red Delicious apple section at Maskers Orchard in Warwick New York – September 30, 2008