Yesterday as I waited at the hotel elevator feeling sad it was time to cram pretty sundresses back into my carryon (it was a work trip, people!), Mary* shared with me and everyone waiting at the elevator bank “I was up until 3AM having phone sex with Jim*”.
“Have you no shame, woman?!” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could stop them.
The look on my face was pretty easy to read. I even told her I couldn’t hear anymore. But of course she continued in front of everyone standing there trying to enjoy their South Beach getaway. I was embarrassed for her. My reaction may seem harsh but this is the same Mary who told me she went to see Jim a few days ago and it was “awkward” so she left pretty quickly.
Awkward but when he calls and says he’s stressed, she should be the one to “help him relax”? (Her words, not mine.)
Along with her best friend, I’ve given her advice. It was to “Delete, Delete, Delete” - his number from her cell, his email address out her ‘Berry, his name off her Facebook friends list (so she can stop checking to see if he’s online and then wondering why he hasn’t said Hello yet.) I don’t think she’ll ever realize he’s just not that into her. She has to wake up on her own.
She could waste $12 to see He’s Just Not That Into You and the message would skip right over her as she texts Jim during the movie. Right now, she’s not listening to anyone who is telling her to move on. All of her attention is focused on Jim. So of course she’s disappointed because he’s not doing the same.
Today begins February – the month where half the country is hopeful Cupid will hit them in the ass but they will instead spend their Valentine’s Day alone eating Thai as they watch Lifetime. Or if they are lucky, they celebrate being single with some friends. Before they go home alone. To watch Lifetime. I really want Mary to have a different Valentine’s Day but I’m not getting through to her. She’s going to be crushed in a two weeks. L
Tuesday night, I’m going to a screening of the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, maybe something silly will be said and I can pass it along to her.
I have to ask, how do you get someone to finally see the light?
*Jim is really not Jim. His name has been changed. He’s an ass no matter what name you give him though. * Mary is not really Mary. One day she’ll realize Jim is not just that into her. Although it probably won’t happen before he announces his engagement to someone else.
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Car Song – Lovefool - The Cardigans “Love me, love me, say that you love me… I can’t care about anything but you.”
Next stop – back to the office after being in Miami for a few days. Tonight, I’m actually looking forward to watching Chuck in 3D. I’m not afraid to admit I watch Chuck.
Drive Thru Interview with
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:45 am
First off, what is Mary’s phone number? I would like to meet and become her friend.
As for the scenario, we don’t have enough information to go on right now. What do you mean the situation was “awkward?” How do we know the phone sex thing isn’t part of a mutual attraction? Is he seeing other women at the same time? Do they live in the same city? How do we know he isn’t really into her?
For a second, I thought this scenario might be about yourself, but I know you don’t have a blackberry, but an iphone, so it is impossible.
As for giving advice, that is the toughest job in the world for a friend. Nobody ever listens.
Neil’s last blog post..A Room of My Own?
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
Oh goodness Neil, you know I never thought anyone would think “Mary” was really me. She’s not. I promise you.
I am however, a very big fan of “Delete. Delete. Delete”. And my friends actually do listen to me when I tell them to do it. I just said it the other day to a friend and she did it. And now she’s dating someone who asked her to go steady. LOL
As for “How do we know he isn’t really into her?” Trust me. No guy treats a girl he actually likes the way Jim treats Mary. Even sadder than the fact I know this, is the fact Mary reads my blog and is probably going to kill me for writing about her publicly.
February 2nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
My “retreat, retreat, retreat” mantra is playing through my head right now. Well done, my friend. I’d highly recommend buying her these Bittersweets. http://despair.com/bittersweets.html. I would really like them as well.
February 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I sooooo love you for that suggestion Meg but I already have your Valentine’s Day gift. And it will remain a surprise. (No its not Harry Connick, Jr.)
February 2nd, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I’m grossed out reading this. What’s wrong with some girls out there? It’s like they have no dignity and self-worth. Makes me so sad. You know what though, she deserves it all for being so stupid.
February 2nd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
They both got their needs met. He found a way to “relax” and she felt useful for a few minutes. When she’s ready for a grown-up relationship that lasts longer than a male orgasm, she’ll get one.
Sex and the Sippy’s last blog post..Why Clutter = Less Sex for All
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Um. What? Who’s this Mary person? She needs to smacked upside the head.
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
As my friends in West Hollywood would say, “Oh Mary!”
Seriously, no one really wants to know about anyones phone sex-capades, especially strangers bound by the confines of elevator walls. Talk about a captive audience. That’s what therapists are for.
VEEP - If your friend is in her 20’s, then I’d let it go. That amounts to growing pains and almost everyone I know and love is a reformed twenty-something hoochie (male and female). However, if she’s in her mid 30’s (or beyond) she needs to remember: “Just because dating isn’t easy, doesn’t mean you have to be.” xoxo
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Haha, I am dying. You are too funny. She’s old enough to know she shouldn’t be easy. I can’t believe you wrote Hoochie.
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Phone sex is to remain a secret. At all times. Because that’s just exploiting masturbation and THAT is not proper cocktail party talk. Blowjobs are, but doing the deed to yourself or getting someone else to? Nope. Taboo.
Ok, but seriously what I was thinking was, “Dude. Keep it to yourSELF.”
Which is the best pun I have come up with in weeks. So I’m going to let it stand.
Mocha’s last blog post..I’m About To Stir The Pot
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 pm
It’s been a few days since she told me everything and I am now actually calmer and I just feel bad for saying anything. But honestly, I couldn’t take it any more. And believe me, I tried.