*standing up*
My name is Victoria and I have a problem.
A really big fat one.
This morning when I stepped on the scale, it became very clear to me. (It’s probably been clear to my friends for some time now.)
I’ve been overeating.
And my weight has become a problem.
A problem to the tune of over 20 pounds.
I now weigh more than I did when I left the hospital after having Harrison two years ago.
I have noticed my body looking different in the mirror but I’ve been traveling for work and not really thinking about my weight. Because well, I was working and just thinking about getting the job done well. And after working really long days, if something tasted really good, why not let myself eat all of it off my plate? After working really hard, why not enjoy dessert.
Everyone who travels on business, knows eating right while traveling is ever easy. It’s not like I don’t know what I should be doing. I know the healthiest dining options are the ones you can control - like meals from your own kitchen. I know portion sizes for one shouldn’t be able to feed a family of four.
Its not like I’ve been eating Big Macs and drinking Big Gulps either. In fact, I’ve been having neither. I don’t even eat fried food. Or fast food. But the (get ready for the excuses) editor lunches, product launches and work dinners are getting to me and I’m packing on the pounds because I’m not eating healthy foods in moderation.
I’m so embarrased. After seeing the number on the scale I wanted to cry. And as I write this, I keep telling myself if I don’t write it and ask for help, I will continue on this unhealthy path I am on. And this makes me want to cry.
How could I let myself go? Especially knowing I’m in the wrong career to be overweight not be able to fit into my wardrobe. And especially since I can’t buy an entire new work wardrobe along with new clothes to wear when I don’t have five pounds of HD TV makeup on my face.
And now I’m even worried that this new body size of mine is stretching out the clothing in my old size and ruining those clothes. I can’t believe I’ve let this happen. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. And trust me, I’ve done dumb a plenty.
I need someone who knows and loves me to intervene (can you ask for an intervention?) because I am clearly not strong enough to wake up and stop on my own even after seeing the number on the scale. I need help from friends, family, people I don’t even know. Anyone with a heart. Someone who has been here before.
I don’t even know what to ask you to do. If you see me drinking anything besides water just remind me how I feel today. I won’t get upset. If you see me eat something besides celery at an event would you please scowl at me. I need all the help I can get with this weight loss.
Stop being my friend by pretending I look good when you know my middle name has become Orca overnight. Be my friend and realize if I get a phone call about my weight being an issue again, I’m going to be living on your couch with my kidlets. Yeah, you don’t want that. Because then I will be all mopey about losing work and just eat everything out of your cupboards more because I’m unemployed, stressed and worried.
And now because what is life without a bit of irony - I won a trial membership from New York Sports Club yesterday just by spinning a prize wheel outside the gym. I wasn’t on my way inside the gym. Was walking by with Miss Nat while doing errands. I’m going to walk into the gym on Friday morning. Hopefully it will be the beginning of me getting back on track.
I’ll be honest. I’m so lazy when it comes to fitness. I’m getting older and I can’t rely on what everyone says is good genes to let me ignore my health. I always thought I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to go into a gym and work or go on a diet to be the size I was happy to be. Those days are over.
I’m Fat. So help me. Somehow. Some way. Pretty please. I’ll be your best friend. I just don’t want to be your overweight best friend.
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Next stop – Going to look through my clothing for something suitable to wear to the gym on Friday. Not buying new clothes. Should probably read through Naturally Thin also.
Car Song – “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix A Lot ”Little in the middle but she got much back”
May 28th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Oh my gosh, you look nothing like Orca. Be serious. Traveling can be tough, I know. Still. Standing next to you makes me itch. You are THAT gorgeous. That’s okay, you can come stay with us. There’s nothing in our cupboards, anyway.
Liz@thisfullhouse’s last blog post..Motherhood Should Come With a Set of Ear Plugs, Right?
May 30th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Hey honey - don’t be so hard on yourself. Heck, I just had a baby 4 weeks ago and I have 20 lbs to go, I actually got back to running and watching my diet, and I have been doing with followers on my blog. Read the first 3 days here; http://blog.weweclothing.com/2009/05/27/workout-session-day-1-2-3/ and let me know if you want to embark on this journey together
PS - You are not fat!!!!
Folake’s last blog post..Why Turkey?
May 30th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
If what you are is fat please give me some! Anyhow, I know it is all relative so I feel your pain. I hope the gym membership works out but if not, seriously consider the EA SPORTS Active, I know, no Wii at home- but get one. It is that good and with 25 minutes of exercise or so a day you will really see changes. I promise. Plus you have 2 days on 1 day off - that helps when you have a hectic schedule.
Renee J. Ross’s last blog post..A Lesson In The Importance Of Childproofing
May 31st, 2009 at 7:29 am
I am so right there with you it isn’t even funny. My mom joined Weight Watchers this year and for the first time in years, she is 10 pounds thinner than me! All I can say is start the day with a plan. Pack snacks (which my dietician friend at http://www.healthyeats.com) says is the key to weight loss. You don’t have to drink of ton of water but eat foods that have water in them too (like fruits). And if you hate the gym, try the new EA Sports Active - I just tested it out (only on day two) and it is hard but it works - Julie at Wii Mommies lost 8 lbs. in one month doing it! I’m also a member of New York Sports, but I pretty much go there to read books. And do stuff outdoors - rollerblading, biking, walking. Or if you’re too busy for that, leave for work a few minutes early and deliberately get off one stop before your own stop. Makes you have to walk more without it being considered exercise. Good luck…it’s hard but once it clicks the weight falls off - or there’s always the Master Cleanse