Being Social

You might have heard me shrieking earlier.    

And not because my friend and I were seated in what seemed like a lover’s corner table at lunch today.

(Hello, oddness to the fourth power. I’m not canoodling with her even if she got insulted when I told her I wouldn’t. *smirk*)

We ate the biggest lunch ever followed by some ridiculous dessert (and I even ate some of the dessert off her plate. I totally need to have some shame.).

Afterwards, I’m not sure what possessed us to head over to a few Madison Avenue stores to shop for evening wear and then to a department store to bikini shop.

I mean, I have LA coming up at the end of the week and she’s got Florida a few days after so yes we were in need of a swimsuit of some kind but oh heavens.

What’s worse than living in the land of delusion?

Not having the mirrors that are supposed to be deceiving and make you size skinny when you aren’t.

The mirrors in these fitting rooms made you size hefty when you really aren’t.

I can’t even say how unflattering the bikinis looked on me. I just can’t even share. I stood there horrified with my clothes off.

After being horrified at how I looked in what I thought were some cute bikinis (yes, I stayed far away from the sexy bikinis and the itsy bitsy bikinis because they are just not me.) I got dressed and stayed in my dressing room waiting for my friend to finish trying on a dozen or so of the styles she chose to bring into the fitting room.

See I look better in the fitting room with my clothes on.

I can promise you one thing, before I go inside a fitting room and take my clothes off again, I am going to look for a list of stores with misleading mirrors.

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Yesterday as I waited at the hotel elevator feeling sad it was time to cram pretty sundresses back into my carryon (it was a work trip, people!), Mary* shared with me and everyone waiting at the elevator bank “I was up until 3AM having phone sex with Jim*”.

“Have you no shame, woman?!” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could stop them.

The look on my face was pretty easy to read. I even told her I couldn’t hear anymore. But of course she continued in front of everyone standing there trying to enjoy their South Beach getaway. I was embarrassed for her. My reaction may seem harsh but this is the same Mary who told me she went to see Jim a few days ago and it was “awkward” so she left pretty quickly.

Awkward but when he calls and says he’s stressed, she should be the one to “help him relax”? (Her words, not mine.)

Along with her best friend, I’ve given her advice. It was to “Delete, Delete, Delete” - his number from her cell, his email address out her ‘Berry, his name off her Facebook friends list (so she can stop checking to see if he’s online and then wondering why he hasn’t said Hello yet.) I don’t think she’ll ever realize he’s just not that into her. She has to wake up on her own.

She could waste $12 to see He’s Just Not That Into You and the message would skip right over her as she texts Jim during the movie. Right now, she’s not listening to anyone who is telling her to move on. All of her attention is focused on Jim. So of course she’s disappointed because he’s not doing the same.

Today begins February – the month where half the country is hopeful Cupid will hit them in the ass but they will instead spend their Valentine’s Day alone eating Thai as they watch Lifetime. Or if they are lucky, they celebrate being single with some friends. Before they go home alone. To watch Lifetime. I really want Mary to have a different Valentine’s Day but I’m not getting through to her. She’s going to be crushed in a two weeks. L

Tuesday night, I’m going to a screening of the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, maybe something silly will be said and I can pass it along to her.

I have to ask, how do you get someone to finally see the light?

*Jim is really not Jim. His name has been changed. He’s an ass no matter what name you give him though.                 * Mary is not really Mary. One day she’ll realize Jim is not just that into her. Although it probably won’t happen before he announces his engagement to someone else.

—-

Car Song – Lovefool - The Cardigans “Love me, love me, say that you love me… I can’t care about anything but you.”

Next stop – back to the office after being in Miami for a few days. Tonight, I’m actually looking forward to watching Chuck in 3D.  I’m not afraid to admit I watch Chuck.

Drive Thru Interview with

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If you tag me in a meme and it has something to do with a list, I have to do it. My life is full of lists. Personal ones. Professional ones. Ones that cross over like one ABC drama to another.

Nothing beats the feeling I have when I can cross something off one of my lists.  I’ve accomplished something. It may be buying stamps or checking my office voicemail but it’s an accomplishment no matter how small.

And when it’s a list about myself instead of a list of tasks, I remember things about myself and sometimes it causes me to wake up and fix something or do something I’ve been putting off.  Like this list of 25 Random Things About Me -

1. I have an unusually large number of friends named Jessica and I have a hard time telling a story when two or more are involved.
   
2. I haven’t been in a gym this century. The last time I stepped into a gym, it was 1999.
   
3. When the phone rings, I always participate if the caller is taking a poll.
   
4. At my Kindergarten graduation, I was told to say a different profession than the one I wanted to say.
   
5. It took me 25 days into the New Year to figure out a New Year’s Resolution I am comfortable with.
   
6. Dave Navarro has a tattoo I wanted to get years ago but I never got it… or any tattoo for that matter. That may change in the future.
   
7. Queso enchiladas with salsa verde and rice and beans are my favorite comfort food.
   
8. I’ve been on Sesame Street. Twice.
   
9. An actor hit on me and a friend during very different times in his career. We both think he is sleazy. Even now.
   
10. I didn’t think Barack Obama would be elected the 44^th President of the United States. I’m happy to have been wrong.
    
11. I was once told “You have the palate of Mario fucking Batali”. Thanks. Just don’t expect me to wear orange clogs.
    
12. My clothes from before I was pregnant with my third child still do not fit me. But I refuse to think I can’t get back to that size. Even after almost 2 years.
    
13. I haven’t seen any of the Harry Potter movies or read any books in the Harry Potter series.
    
14. It upsets me when I see movies and the teens aren’t wearing seatbelts while driving or in the front seat.
    
15. I cook with olive oil but when I go to a restaurant I never order meals that include olives.
    
16. I’ve never colored my hair and now that the grey hair is coming in, I don’t want to start. But then I see a nice color and briefly reconsider my decision.
    
17. I love citrus scents whether it is used in food, lotion, dessert, candles .. doesn’t matter.
    
18. The fact I have gotten “strike” after “strike” in Wii Bowling gives me false hope I will be amazing at bowling the next time I go to Lucky Strike.
    
19. I have very eclectic taste in music. Sometimes I listen to Amy Winehouse, other times its Carl Orff or Daddy Yankee or Lenny Kravitz or Save Ferris.
    
20. I laughed so much at an R.E.M concert I … well, you fill in the blank.
    
21. I’ve never bought anything off eBay but I love shopping online.  (Ew, gross I don’t want something from your house!)
    
22. I can honestly say I’m not sure if I will have another child.
    
23. If the iPhone gets an app for loading the dishwasher, I’ll pay for it. Until then, only free apps for me.
    
24. When I was little, my mother and I used to sit on a La-Z-Boy together and watch scary movies. Now, I hate watching scary movies.
    
25. Sometimes when I am excited to talk with someone I haven’t talked with in a while, I say the wrong words. The other day I told my friend I just got in from getting my nose done. I meant my toes.

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