Travel

You might have heard me shrieking earlier.    

And not because my friend and I were seated in what seemed like a lover’s corner table at lunch today.

(Hello, oddness to the fourth power. I’m not canoodling with her even if she got insulted when I told her I wouldn’t. *smirk*)

We ate the biggest lunch ever followed by some ridiculous dessert (and I even ate some of the dessert off her plate. I totally need to have some shame.).

Afterwards, I’m not sure what possessed us to head over to a few Madison Avenue stores to shop for evening wear and then to a department store to bikini shop.

I mean, I have LA coming up at the end of the week and she’s got Florida a few days after so yes we were in need of a swimsuit of some kind but oh heavens.

What’s worse than living in the land of delusion?

Not having the mirrors that are supposed to be deceiving and make you size skinny when you aren’t.

The mirrors in these fitting rooms made you size hefty when you really aren’t.

I can’t even say how unflattering the bikinis looked on me. I just can’t even share. I stood there horrified with my clothes off.

After being horrified at how I looked in what I thought were some cute bikinis (yes, I stayed far away from the sexy bikinis and the itsy bitsy bikinis because they are just not me.) I got dressed and stayed in my dressing room waiting for my friend to finish trying on a dozen or so of the styles she chose to bring into the fitting room.

See I look better in the fitting room with my clothes on.

I can promise you one thing, before I go inside a fitting room and take my clothes off again, I am going to look for a list of stores with misleading mirrors.

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Yesterday as I waited at the hotel elevator feeling sad it was time to cram pretty sundresses back into my carryon (it was a work trip, people!), Mary* shared with me and everyone waiting at the elevator bank “I was up until 3AM having phone sex with Jim*”.

“Have you no shame, woman?!” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could stop them.

The look on my face was pretty easy to read. I even told her I couldn’t hear anymore. But of course she continued in front of everyone standing there trying to enjoy their South Beach getaway. I was embarrassed for her. My reaction may seem harsh but this is the same Mary who told me she went to see Jim a few days ago and it was “awkward” so she left pretty quickly.

Awkward but when he calls and says he’s stressed, she should be the one to “help him relax”? (Her words, not mine.)

Along with her best friend, I’ve given her advice. It was to “Delete, Delete, Delete” - his number from her cell, his email address out her ‘Berry, his name off her Facebook friends list (so she can stop checking to see if he’s online and then wondering why he hasn’t said Hello yet.) I don’t think she’ll ever realize he’s just not that into her. She has to wake up on her own.

She could waste $12 to see He’s Just Not That Into You and the message would skip right over her as she texts Jim during the movie. Right now, she’s not listening to anyone who is telling her to move on. All of her attention is focused on Jim. So of course she’s disappointed because he’s not doing the same.

Today begins February – the month where half the country is hopeful Cupid will hit them in the ass but they will instead spend their Valentine’s Day alone eating Thai as they watch Lifetime. Or if they are lucky, they celebrate being single with some friends. Before they go home alone. To watch Lifetime. I really want Mary to have a different Valentine’s Day but I’m not getting through to her. She’s going to be crushed in a two weeks. L

Tuesday night, I’m going to a screening of the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, maybe something silly will be said and I can pass it along to her.

I have to ask, how do you get someone to finally see the light?

*Jim is really not Jim. His name has been changed. He’s an ass no matter what name you give him though.                 * Mary is not really Mary. One day she’ll realize Jim is not just that into her. Although it probably won’t happen before he announces his engagement to someone else.

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Car Song – Lovefool - The Cardigans “Love me, love me, say that you love me… I can’t care about anything but you.”

Next stop – back to the office after being in Miami for a few days. Tonight, I’m actually looking forward to watching Chuck in 3D.  I’m not afraid to admit I watch Chuck.

Drive Thru Interview with

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After a long turbulent flight from JFK to LAX (which Neil Patrick Harris managed to sleep through–how!?), I was given a parting gift from one of the loveliest flight attendants (Hi Wendy!) I’ve ever met –

(that’s Maggie’s hand acting as a bottle holder)

Full sized. Not a honor bar sized bottle. Wow. I must have looked like I really needed it.And this just showed up to my room —

I’m surrounded by mind readers… people definitely think I need to calm down…

A little lemon tea from Tea Forte (one of my favorite tea brands) and some lemon almond biscotti. Yum.

I think I’ll enjoy this unexpected room service delivery and save the flight attendant’s gift for another day when I can share it with others.

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Car Song – Possum Kingdom – The Toadies “Don’t be afraid, I don’t mean to scare you….”

Next stop – Taking a guess at how many lemon inspired foods I will eat over the next two days.

Drive Thru Interviews with Liz Gumbinner of Mom-101 and Nicole Feliciano of Momtrends

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